The view from my window

The view from my window
The view from my window

Monday 22 June 2020

Ouch!

While I was over at Jordan's yesterday I told him that I was going to start looking at bathroom fixtures as my plan is to get started on refurbishing both bathrooms as they desperately need redoing. I had asked Jordan if he was interested in doing the fitting in his spare time and he said yes. I was fine if he didn't want to but would obviously prefer to give him the money than pay someone else. So we got to talking about what kinds of fixtures I should be looking at and I was saying I wanted "suspended" toilets with eco water consumption possibilities since my current toilets are very old and very heavy on water usage. I'll always remember my friend, Ian, who moved to Bulgaria in 2010. He was sick to death of England and chasing after the almighty £££ in order to consume more and more, thereby trapping yourself on the eternal money-chasing treadmill. Anyway one thing Ian said that stuck with me was that it just appalled him that we in affluent western countries actually use clean water to flush our toilets - simply because we can afford to do so. Ian was in construction in England so I guess he knew a thing or two about "wastage", but it's odd that that sentiment always stuck with me. So why am I talking about toilets? Well at this point Jordan piped up and said that his boss, Max, (who is also the bass guitarist in their band and a friend of both my sons) had actually installed a urinal in his home!!! And that urinal used only one litre per flush, as compared to 5-6 litres for modern toilets, and between nine and eleven litres for my old bog! Fascinating stuff isn't it, although I don't see much of a future for a urinal in my home, to be honest. Max bought a run down old farm on a fair bit of land and started doing it up over the last few years. Jordan helped him at weekends and learned a lot in the mix. Another thing Max did is have his home set up so that the ground floor could be used as a completely independent living area if the time ever came that he couldn't get up the stairs. Now he's only 31 so hopefully that's not even a consideration but he was also smart enough to install doors that were wide enough to accommodate a wheelchair, as he wants this home to be his forever home. Now the point of all this is that Max has recently become rather smitten with a young woman who is tetraplegic as a result of a car crash involving a wild boar (!!!!) and things look like they might be getting more serious! He said she is gorgeous, very funny and fiercely independent and while it's early days yet who knows where that relationship might end up. But isn't it amazing what a forward-thinking young man he turned out to be!

So jumping from the rooster to the donkey again, today I had my Monday morning yoga class but was a bit apprehensive because I didn't fancy doing it outside in the scorching heat. While I was in the shower getting ready I heard a clunking sound and thought "oh my god, someone's on the roof" (my shower is under the roof and I'd been tootling back and forward naked while getting my clothes together to go to yoga)! Turns out the chimney sweep had come to work on my neighbour's chimney. Hopefully he shouldn't have been able to see into my house, but I guess it wouldn't be the first time they've got an eyeful would it. A bit like the window cleaners when I lived in England. They just showed up, climbed up their ladders and off they went, so you'd better hope you weren't stark naked when they started on your bedroom window! Yoga turned out just perfect though. It was already pretty hot but we were able to practice in her garden in the shade of a massive cedar tree and apart from one lady getting shat upon by a bird in said tree, it was actually lovely!

After yoga I thought it would be nice to go out walking but didn't want to go on my usual walk down to Thyez as I wanted something a bit more challenging (but not that challenging)! So I set off in the direction of the Lac de Roy, which is a small lake in the mountains up above a ski resort called Praz de Lys. I'd heard it was only about an hour's walk and not very difficult so I thought I'd have time to fit it in after lunch. Only problem was I'd forgotten to pack anything to eat so I decided to treat myself to lunch in a small town about half way there - which was a real treat as I don't do it very often nowadays! 

Lunch at the Col de Chatillon

I guess I set off up to the lake at around 1.30 p.m. and it wasn't too bad a walk, although every damn time I end up feeling like my lungs are on fire within about 10 minutes! Once I get into my stride it's fine, but those first 10 minutes are pretty miserable. Before I left I fished out an old sun hat that had a flap to protect my neck so I reckon I must have looked a bit like Beau Geste by the time I finally made it to the top!

Gary Cooper in Beau Geste



Lac de Roy

The air up here was cooler with that still quality you get in the mountains and the dunk dunk of the cowbells. I had just gotten to the end of the lake and the cows were coming over to pose for a photo when all of a sudden I got a video call from André who wanted to run something by me. Last night he received another email from Lily. It was a bit "rambling" to my mind, but then I guess they have different styles of expressing themselves. French is a bit "flowery" and they can go round and round before they actually say what they mean, whereas English is direct and to the point - which is why it's the world's number one language for business. Anyway Lily's email just served to confirm to me that there really are no "issues" as such in the marriage, more a feeling of restlessness on her part, as she was talking about "being tired of thinking about everyone else and wanting to put herself first for a change". What can I say, I guess we all get restless too sometimes, but as André said, he just wished he didn't have to pay the price for her restlessness. There was one passive-aggressive dig at him so he wanted to run his reply by me before sending it as he knows I will always tone it down. Actually, what he replied was excellent. He's naturally very diplomatic anyway but direct and to the point. His intention would never be to hurt her but like me he's straight-talking. So the long and short of it is that he wrote back saying that he was hurt by the fact that she encouraged Pete, the photographer, after he told her he had feelings for her at the end of May (yes, it's that recent). Pete will never be a friend of his again and he was not prepared to give her the summer to "figure out her true feelings", but wanted to just go ahead and file for divorce since he didn't know if he could ever trust her again! So there you have it. He's going to move his stuff out of their place during his July vacation and push forward with the divorce. I admire him actually and told him that if he sat around moping like a sad-eyed puppy she would have no respect for him, but pushing ahead and kinda saying "don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out" might be the wake-up call she needs. Maybe she will realize what she has to lose - or maybe she won't! Sometimes that's when they come running back but he isn't counting on it and I think now genuinely not looking for that either. Still, it's sad, but what can I say. So as I was saying, I was just about to take the perfect picture all up close and personal with the cows and the bloody battery on my phone died as a result of talking to André. I must have looked like one of those yuppies - you know, the kind who can't even put their phones away at the top of a mountain pass, but just this once I'll take the hit. Either way I'm going to drive over and take André to lunch on Friday but I'm already reassured that he's coming out fighting and looking better than I expected. Add to that that I got in over 13,000 steps today and feel like I could crack walnuts with my bum cheeks, all in all I would say it was a day well spent!

21 comments:

  1. I am sorry your son is going through what he is, but good for him for establishing ground rules he is comfortable with. Life gets complicated but each adult must be their own advocate. It is also nice he has Mom to run things by and talk things through first.

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    1. It's hard being a mom isn't it, but there really is no way you can protect your kids forever either is there.

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  2. I feel so badly for your son, if only she had been honest and said she felt restless - encouraging another man who admitted his feelings for her, borders on (if it wasn't already) emotional cheating and your son deserves to have clarity and honesty!

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    1. I feel sad for him. For both of them actually, all the more so since there really aren't any serious "issues" that couldn't have been resolved by talking beforehand!

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    2. Right? Some conversations would have done a world of good, but with you, his brother and friends and family he will be a-ok!

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  3. I enjoy your blog very much and agree with Ann in the Kitchen. And, the parents who protect/enable their kids well into adulthood just do a disservice to those kids as most lessons are learned easier in your 20s than your 40s or 50s. Andre will come out of this the better. It sounds like you raise a couple of thoughtful well-adjusted kids!

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    1. You're absolutely right. I told him it's better to happen now before they've bought a home together - and more importantly before they had children. I'm divorced but just couldn't imagine having to split my kids 50/50. That would have been hell on earth for me! Thank god they were already adults!

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  4. Too many couples muddle through and have a child or two and then realize it was a bad idea to get back together. So, being done with the marriage might be a good thing.

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    1. I kinda understand Lily in a way when says she's tired of the rut. What I don't understand is that she didn't talk about it first. But you're right, so many couples end up staying together out of inertia or for economic reasons and that's even worse than getting divorced!

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  5. Jordan sounds like a well balanced young man and talented too. Would much prefer to give money to family in exchange for what will be a better job. His friend Max sounds great too. TRUST, a five letter word that evokes such emotion. Without it you have very little. I know from personal experience.

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  6. Max used to drive me nuts when he was younger - around 15. He was a little bugger - a little "divil" if you like. But he grew into a nice young man. All the mates have actually so I'm glad they're all part of the same gang. And you're right - once trust is gone it's gone - which was what André has said is the straw that broke the camel's back for him!

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  7. I could not walk up a mountain if my life depended on it.
    Good for you!

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    1. Oh I'm no mountain goat I can assure you and this was really a pretty easy walk, but I've got to start somewhere haven't I! That being said, the older folks put me to shame. They just plod on, no stopping and do it with ease, although I guess they've been doing it all their lives haven't they!

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  8. Sorry to hear about your son, but he is lucky to have you for support to talk things through. My DH put a urinal out in his shop bathroom. It's his most favorite thing, LOL.

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    1. From a few things my son has said I can see he really appreciates having a close family and for that I'm so grateful. As for your husband, I always figured a guy would just go pee outside so good on him for putting in a urinal!

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  9. Isn't it funny how some people can be so forward thinking and others just live in the moment. It's almost like Max knew what was ahead for him! You will probably save quite a bit of money having your son do the bathrooms for you. At least if he doesn't do it right you know where he lives lol.
    You live in such a beautiful area for walking, oh how I envy you at times. That walk sounded wonderful - apart from the first 10 minutes of course!
    I think your son has his head screwed on the right way. I think if she's 'restless' at this stage it's for the best they part now than wait as you rightly say. Nice he trusts you to talk about it too. Shame about the battery though! x

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    1. Max's dad owned the plumbing business until he handed it over to Max and his brother so I reckon they know exactly what works best. When he told me about putting in the extra wide doors he hadn't even met this young girl so good on him. And yes it is beautiful round here but my aim is to keep going out and discovering all the different walks that there are to do because there are 100s. But hey, you live in Scotland so .....!!!! And you're right about my son. If she's feeling like this now better to split now than after they have children. I couldn't imagine being the man and having to leave my kids with the wife for the majority of the time. But it's still sad though as they seemed to be so good together!

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  10. Good for your son. Just letting Lily be the driver in both their futures is wrong, now he is taking back control of his life. Wow, such beautiful places for you to walk. So glad you can spend time with your son right now, a difficult time to be isolated. Being shat on while doing outside yoga ha ha that sounds like something that would happen to me!

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    1. I was surprised actually that he stood up and said "nope, not doing that" and I expect it will have come as a shock to her too. Maybe he's becoming the decisive young man she claims to want. Who knows. And yeah, I did think about the bird poop as they were really noisy while we were practicing, but at least it missed her face!

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  11. I think Andre's doing the right thing.

    On plumbing fixtures: I bought a water saver toilet a long time ago and have hated it every since. One of the worst purchases I've ever made.

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    1. I haven't started looking at bathroom fixtures yet but I reckon I can trust Jordan's judgement when I do as he's a plumber. And sadly I also think André's doing the right think even if it's breaking his heart to do it!

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