The view from my window

The view from my window
The view from my window

Saturday 30 October 2021

Just call me Rosie!

I see ol' Bojo did another U-turn last week (surprised anyone?). When he was first elected PM he ousted any cabinet member who was not 100% behind a hard Brexit. It was a case of "toe the party line or you're out"! Well since the UK has left the EU they are no longer bound by EU minimum standards - environmental, food security, etc. - you get the idea - and since the UK is now having a hard time obtaining the chemicals needed to treat sewage, the government decided to give the green light to allow water companies to dump "minimally treated effluent" (i.e. untreated shit) into the country's rivers and oceans, and Conservative hard Brexiteer MPs were forced by ol' Bojo to defend this stance to their constituents. They tried blaming the problems on Britain's "antequated Victorian sewage systems" which, funnily enough, seemed to have functioned adequately until now, so go figure. An amendment was introduced into Parliament to try to prevent this and was unceremoniously shot down by the government. Not unsurprisingly there was great public outcry that resulted in Bojo doing a complete 180 and backing away from this new position, thus hanging out to dry the Conservative MPs who had just had to defend it! The power of the man's ego and his ability to deny and/or blame others is something to behold! But then I suppose as the UK is, as I write, playing host to the 26th United Nations Climate Change conference in Glasgow, we can't be having untreated turds floating down the River Clyde while the bigwigs are eating their Scottish salmon can we! And what about the much vaunted recent trade deal with New Zealand, which will, for instance, see the current 20% tariff on imports of NZ mussels dropped and effectively put another nail in the coffin of the UK's fishing industry! Probably just as well, what with trying to grow mussels in all that untreated sewage huh! I tell ya, I shouldn't read this stuff really because I find his/their behaviour more and more outrageous by the day and it just does my head in!

So with winter looming I decided that I needed to think about what projects I want to tackle round the house while there's so little going on outside. With that in mind I shot off to the local DIY place and started searching for the young(ish) man I always hone in on because he's so helpful and doesn't treat me like an idiot when I have to ask him to explain everything to me in simple terms. Oh, I play it off as being a language problem (which it is to a certain extent), but since I really don't know what I'm doing most of the time I find him to be incredibly helpful, although I'm sure next time he spots me walking in he's gonna try doing a runner first! Last time I was there I picked up a bag of mortar and re-cemented parts of my terrace that are becoming a bit "holy" (as in unstable, not religious) and it worked a treat! I probably should get some more and go over the entire terrace at some point, but for the time being it'll do. So today I told him that some of my window frames are starting to show water damage (I reckon they must have been installed about 25 years ago), and I couldn't afford to replace them just yet, so he sold me a product for outdoor use that can be used for waterproofing, and how to go about cleaning up the frames and applying it! Goal! Then it was off to get a new plug socket because I'd plugged my vacuum cleaner in the other day, yanked it too hard and pulled it out the wall, thus breaking the support! So there's job number 200 to add to my list. And I then asked him for advice on buying my own petrol-run generator as I want to be sure I have at least some electricity/heating/light this winter in the event of an extended power cut. So he showed me two, with the smaller one being €200 more expensive than the larger, more powerful one. Which didn't make sense to me but he explained that the cheaper generator - while more powerful - was also a lot noisier. But in the event of a sustained power cut do you really care about the noise? So I walked out of there with a generator too, which he kindly lugged out on a trolley and put in the back of my car after much huffing and puffing. But then of course, guess who had to get it out of the car alone when she got home? Yeah, me and damn, that thing was heavy! But I'm a stubborn bugger so I huffed and puffed (but didn't blow the house down) and got that thing into my garage all on my own! The irony is that it's actually on wheels but I needed to get it out of my car and out of the box before I could use the wheels! Anyway, I'm a few hundred euro lighter right now but have more than enough projects lined up for the coming winter - although sometimes I think doing a jigsaw puzzle might be an easier way to pass the time!

Rosie the (old) riveter!

After I'd finished sorting all that out there was a knock at my door and it was my neighbour come round for a chat as she said she hadn't seen me for ages and was concerned that I might be "holed up" too much on my own! I probably am actually but I'm ok with it really. So I told her that no, I was just going into "hibernation" mode, and while I actually go to yoga and out walking most weeks, (plus I see the Munchkin a couple of times a week), maybe I hadn't been as sociable as I should have been! Then she asked me a strange question - "have you heard much coming from my house lately?" When I told her that yes, unfortunately I'd heard quite a bit over the last few days because you just can't help it with these houses, so she told me that, as I suspected, the tension between them had been getting worse and worse and she couldn't take it any more. Actually I suspect that was the real reason she came round - she needed someone to just listen to her. Her hatred of her husband is growing by the day and when he more or less told her that if she didn't like it she could just "bugger off", I asked why she didn't make an appointment with a lawyer to find out just where she stood if she decided to divorce him. She doesn't have to do anything with that information of course, but at least she would know, and I suspect having been married 50 years next year she would be in a much better position than she thinks! Like I've said before, I don't think she would ever divorce him because she's afraid of striking out on her own at nearly 70, but at least if she gets that information she knows where she stands right? So then she mentioned that he has to go back into hospital for yet another operation to put more stents in his legs (over 50 years of smoking will do that for ya), but she didn't know how she would get him there since she's terrified of motorway driving, driving in the dark (and anywhere out of her comfort zone really), and her daughter will be back at work full-time at that point. So I told her it's not a problem, I will take them both as long as it's not the same day I have to take my friend to a different hospital for her colonoscopy! Heck, if it comes to that I can manage both as long as we know the dates and times of both procedures. But she makes me so sad, she's so beaten down and her world is becoming smaller and smaller as she's had her confidence sucked dry over the years! Still, I'm glad she came round because sometimes just having someone to listen to you can help, right?

And finally, I've just started reading Wintering, The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, by Katherine May, and I'm really enjoying it (sorry I can't remember who recommended it)!



As far as I've gotten, she had to take time off work when her husband became ill, and then as soon as he got better she became ill and had to take sick leave herself. As a mother working outside the home (the term "working mother" being completely redundant - all mothers work), she was riddled with guilt and finding it so difficult to just slow down, having been used to going 100 miles an hour from the get-go. And then she realizes that she is starting to enjoy the enforced slow down and to question the need to be busy 100% of the time and achieve more and more! This is what struck a chord with me, the fact that she remembers when her son was born and then not much after that - why would we aspire to that if we could help it? She always enjoyed cooking but was now realizing that "... the butcher can sell me exact quantities of meat, which I know I will use that same day. I no longer have to act out the cycle of freezing a packet of chicken, defrosting it a week later, then not having time to eat it and so throwing it away [guilty as charged]. I feel as though I'm cooking autumn into my house"! ... "Life is clearly teaching me some kind of lesson, but I can't decipher it yet"! ... and "Life begins to happen again, and that makes for more compelling memories"!

As I say, I haven't finished it yet but so far I'm enjoying it very much and it's turning into one of those books I can't put down. When I see the shockingly high - and unexpected - figures for the number of people who, having worked from home during lockdown, are now deciding they don't want to go back to the rat race and are resigning in their droves, maybe more people really are deciding to get off the hamster wheel and work less (assuming they have the financial means to do so) and I can only say "good on yer mate" - it took me way too long to figure that one out - but then I'm slow!


21 comments:

  1. Perhaps your neighbor could just quietly trip her husband on the steps. Or there could be a kitchen accident of some sort. Kitchens and bathrooms are notoriously dangerous places:)

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  2. I'd enjoy that book, so will add to my ever growing list. It is sad about your neighbor but so kind if you to offer to step in and be driver. Your young man in the store is a gem.

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    1. I think if anyone will enjoy that book it will be you! Of course modern life being what it is it isn't possible for everyone to slow down, but she makes very good points about as animals we really are meant to "hibernate" in winter and shouldn't feel guilty for it! And yes my young DIY guy is really great. I told him I was sorry I keep "picking on him" but that's because he is so helpful so it really is his own - he just laughed!

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  3. Generators are expensive and heavy. We sell them. We haven't had a power outage in years, so (finger crossed) I'm going to hold off on buying one.

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    1. Oh they come in all prices don't they, even if I don't need anything too fancy (but you're right, they ARE heavy)! The longest outage we had recently was caused by a storm and lasted 24 hours three days before my son's wedding in July when both my freezers were filled with food for 10 people for 10 days! To be honest I can keep mysef warm anyway (you bundle up and go out for a walk) and I can get through it but what really brought it home to me this year is, yet again, Boris Johnson, oddly enough. Egomaniac Johnson is determined to start a trade war with the EU and Napoleon (Macron) is equally determined to stick one to him. And since most of Britain's trade has to transit France it gives them extraordinary power. AND, more importantly, France can easily control Britain's access to electricity and gas (there have already been rumblings) so I got to thinking who else could do the same to France in this mad, mad world we're living in? So new generator it is. That is if I can now afford to buy the petrol for it!

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  4. Can you imagine living with someone you hate for fifty years? My god. But yes- being seventy and suddenly alone would be difficult. Or, perhaps it wouldn't be as difficult as she thinks it might be. I think your advice was sound but I doubt she'll take it. She's deep into her rut, isn't she?
    It does sound as if you have your winter projects all lined up. Funny how around here, our winter projects are a lot more focused on outside activities because it's too hot in summer to tackle them!

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    1. I know exactly what it's like to have to live with someone you hate. I at least had a good job and the means to get away but he had me so beaten down that my energy was too drained to do anything about it - although I tried. It took him moving in with his skank for me to have him served divorce papers (at work, no less). Her position is different. She is a bag of nerves and yes I don't think she'll do anything about it, but I can only be here for her. She said the past week they haven't spoken one word to each other - that in itself is also very wearing on the nerves! And I see your pictures of you guys on the beach and yet we're expecting snow next week. Different worlds eh!

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  5. I think on the same line as Pixie, after all, most accidents happen close to home. It's a possibility. You were/are very kind to listen to her, and yes, it does help. Also very kind to offer to drive them to the hospital. Regarding people slowing down, I think the pandemic/lock down helped a lot of people reevaluate their lives and question is/was it worth it. I know several who are perfectly content to work fewer hours and from home. I have Wintering in my TBR pile and you have inspired me to put that next in the line up. I just need to locate it as I have a rather large TBR pile. I love that you have someone in the DIY department that can give you advise and help locate needed items. It's like the old days when people actually provided a service, you know, like they cared. I'm not sure if I've commented before, but I do read your blog faithfully and really enjoy it, and no, I'm not a blogger but I'm glad people like you are. You and several other bloggers have saved me from spending too much $$ on reading material and I love the variety. Ranee (MN) USA

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    1. Hi Ranee, and thank you for stopping by my blog! I've been blogging six years now (I think) and I've found that I really enjoy putting my thoughts (rants?) down on paper because it gets them out of my head. My original idea was just to write down the old stories for my kids and their kids (if anyone is interested enough to read them) but it has evolved over time and I'm mostly still enjoying writing it! So thanks again! As for my DIY man, I've found the staff of this (large) chainstore to always be very helpful - all of them! A couple of Christmases ago I wrote to their head office to say just that as I believe you need to give credit where credit is due! And I hope you like the book. I guess it really is about how we should give ourselves permission to just "be". I know that's not possible for many people who have to work several jobs just to keep their heads above water but in so many western countries it could be a possibility. And you're right, I think this pandemic/lockdown has made so many people SERIOUSLY re-evaluate their lives!

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  6. Wintering.. sounds just up my street. Where was all this guidance when I needed it 30 years ago? Was it out there and we were unaware or ignored it? Alternatively has everyone been slogging over the same arduous journey to enlightenment in the interim and it is only now that the wisdom is being disseminated?

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    1. I know right!!!! When I was working and raising kids that and my commute from hell meant I was constantly in 7th gear. I remember baking a cake for the farmer's wife to thank her for some eggs and she asked me when do I EVER relax, and I couldn't answer her! Maybe much of this hamster wheel society stemmed from the "have it all" 80s and rampant consumerism but what would I know. I'm just glad I'm off that hamster wheel and I hope I can push my kids in the same direction too, where possible. Some people get it right from the get-go. Others of us, maybe not so much!

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  7. I am sorry about your neighbor. A friend of mine recently poured her heart out to me. Not at the hate stage yet but, the older husband is not who used to be when they first married. He wants to control her and she does not want to be. They are 60 and 75. Difficult situation. Very kind of you to offer to drive them to the hospital. Wintering sounds like a book I would enjoy too.

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    1. While I get along ok with him I know very well the mask so many people wear in public and that things are often very different at home. When I was in Sri Lanka I got chatting to a widow and we talked about this. She said she'd been out one evening with eight other ladies and for some reason asked how many of them were happy with their partners - and not one of them put their hands up! I know there are happy marriages out there and quite a few so-so marriages but sadly I know an awful lot of marriages made in hell too. So glad I'm single!

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  8. My heart goes out to your neighbour. So many women are stuck in that position, I hope she leaves or another option opens up. That books sounds really interesting, I have a couple from the library I am working on myself!

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    1. I'm pretty sure she'll never leave so all I can do is be a shoulder for her to cry on since she can't talk to her kids about it as they love their dad, obviously! And if you decide to read the book do tell me what you think of it. I find it very thought-provoking!

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    2. I love the love you show to your neighbours, and how they return it in kind. ♥️ A shame that her kids don't see that side of their dad or cannot? Sigh. YEs I am going to add it to my saved list of books!!

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  9. You are right; just listening to her, believing her, understanding her, makes a huge difference to her, even if she doesn't act on your advice. Yet. In the meantime she feels heard by someone, supported, and that is huge. -Kate

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    1. I had tremendous support with what I was going through in my marriage and I know how important it is. And in any case, I am very, very fond of this neighbour!

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  10. How sad to live such an unhappy life. How glad she must be to have you as a shoulder to cry on. Have you seen the photo today of BJ sleeping with no mask on next to Sir David Attenborough? He is such an embarrassment to the country. If only Scotland could get independence. I'm not saying that would be perfect but surely it can't be worse than this shower of bozos! I've gone over all nest building at the moment too. I'm planning all sorts of diy projects in the house for winter - not least some decorating! I'm quite good at living in the slow lane and afternoon naps are almost my hobby now!

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    1. I haven't seen that photo but will look it up. I saw Biden asleep during the opening of COP26 (but frankly, I sympathize - I've had to sit through way too many of those meetings too)! And I'm with you on the slow lane - I'm kinda enjoying it now I've finally actually slowed down, three years after retiring!

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