The view from my window

The view from my window
The view from my window

Wednesday 17 February 2021

Rough times!

Some days are just so much rougher than others aren't they. I know the weather has a tremendous influence on people's psyche, but sometimes it seems that bad news really does seem to come all at once. I'm not talking about me personally, thank goodness. I'm doing fine, André and I are getting along famously (telling jokes at the moment - it's nice to get reacquainted with my son), and the weather is glorious - no clouds, bright sunshine most days and the stars are so pretty right now! But the rotten news just seems to have kept on coming these last few days!

The first thing I heard this week was that one of the ladies in our FB walking group "lost her battle with depression" recently. I didn't know this lady, of course, but I'd seen some of her posts and like many people, I think maybe she was trying to use the walking challenge to help her emotional well-being. Sadly it didn't work. We all get "down" sometimes, of course, but real clinical depression must be hell, and while there are treatments/therapies that can help, how sad for this lady that she just wasn't able to make it through!

Then the other day I knocked on my neighbour's door to let them know that they'd left the car window open - not good when snow is forecast and the temperatures are well below zero. When she opened the door I asked if she was okay and she said yes. I just said "so that's why you're crying then" and she smiled. I didn't want to intrude but invited her to come round for a coffee if she needed to chat. She didn't immediately but I'm sure she'll want to get what's bothering her off her chest at some point. It could be the tension in the house, I know she's missing her grandchildren in Switzerland, or it could just be this damn pandemic getting on everyone's last nerve! Who knows!

On Saturday André met up with the others for band practice at Max's house and said he would be back before curfew (6 p.m.). By 6.30 p.m. I'm starting to think something's wrong, because maybe the police might forgive 15 minutes, but 30 minutes past curfew was definitely pushing it. Thankfully he called me shortly after and said that he was going to stay the night at Max's. Their friend, Alexi, had set off to make the short drive home after practice, lost control of his car on the snow, hit a guardrail (above a drop down the mountain side) and called them to come dig him out! Damn! André said Alexi (and his car) were okay and "it wasn't such a bad drop", but even so, who really thinks skidding into a guard rail on the side of a mountain "isn't so bad"!

Then yesterday I had two messages pop up. The first was from our retirees' association announcing the death of a former colleague and while I knew of this colleague (you get to know everyone's personal details when you work in HR and do payroll), I didn't really know him. But he was only 61 and retired about six months after me, so he got to enjoy just 18 months of his retirement and then bam, gone! I know I've said this before, but I really would encourage anyone to retire as soon as it's financially feasible (if that's what they actually want), because cases like this colleague's bring home that nothing is a given!

The second message was from my friend, Marilyn, who is currently living in Ireland to be near her son and his wife. She wanted to let me know that her older brother in Texas had just died of covid. They are all devastated, as you can imagine. He was the brother who very kindly welcomed André into his home for a holiday when he was just 10 and André had the most wonderful time. I last saw him a couple of years ago at Marilyn's daughter's wedding here in France. He and his first wife had divorced, he subsequently remarried, and as an English-speaker I was sat at the same table as them. They were a lovely couple, even if I found the wife's first comment to me that "we're from Texas and voted for Trump" a strange way to greet someone you've never met before. I just said I'd heard it was rude to talk politics or religion at the table so I figured we'd be fine. Sadly she was also a "covid-denier", stating (apparently) that it was just a bad case of the flu - and now just a few weeks after he got sick, and despite excellent medical care, her husband is gone, killed by the "hoax"! I talked to Marilyn today and she said she and this sister-in-law have not been particularly close, mainly because of vastly divergent political views, but that she reached out to her during her brother's illness and since his death but SIL hasn't been much inclined to respond. So now, sadly, it looks like there will be additional distress for his three children from his first marriage (he has no children with the second wife) and it could get pretty unpleasant! It's so sad - another person taken early by this damn virus!

On the positive side, Marilyn's son and his wife desperately want to move back to France (as does Marilyn) and since she also has French citizenship it should be relatively easy once the issue of medical coverage can be sorted and they can find somewhere to stay. They're looking at Annecy, which is just down the road from me, but of course first her son has to get the job. I can't wait as I know Marilyn and I will have so much fun together! And you know the other day when I was talking about getting caught out looking like a slob, well Marilyn can go one better (not that she's ever looked like a slob). Years ago her husband's job saw him responsible for sales in certain Asian countries and at one point, just after the birth of their son, they were staying in a hotel in Hong Kong (I think it was). Anyway, she was in the elevator holding the baby and had baby spit-up on her shoulder (a permanent feature for new mothers), when the elevator door opened and guess who stepped in! You can't guess? Piers Brosnan - James Bond himself! I know!! I would have passed out!! And she said that while he's still an absolute hunk, 35 years ago he was even better looking in real life than in film! At least I only got caught out by Stan!

And finally, as I was scrolling through looking at what's on tv (nothing, basically), I saw that Fifty Shades of Grey was on. I know!!! I never bought the book (I thought it was a sample book for you to pick your paint from)! But I clicked on the film anyway for the hell of it and landed right on a "juicy bit" - just as André came into the room laughing. Damn, I felt like he'd caught me watching porn or something - and I wasn't even interested in it to begin with. But whatevs, as they say! Anyway, he started to tell me something he'd just read about a couple of guys who were out fishing on a frozen lake in Estonia when they spotted a half-frozen dog struggling to get out of the water and back to dry land. Somehow they managed to fish it out, wrapped it in a blanket and placed it in the back of their car in order to get it to a vet. When the vet came out to take a look at it he told them they'd just driven 20-odd km with a slowly defrosting wolf in the back of their car!

22 comments:

  1. Those are all such sad deaths. I think it is funny that your son 'caught' you watching a juicy film. I need to see it. And, we both laughed hard at the guys rescuing a wolf. I am glad he did not thaw out all the way.

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    1. Ha, I never did put the film back on because I don't have the patience for tv and in any case I really wasn't interested in that crap. As for the wolf - can you even IMAGINE!

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  2. Depression, even mild, is no joke, and isn't cured by a walk or a nap. I have, at rare times, experienced it, and it's hard to explain, and hard to "get over." And people who experience it deeply, or often, need to talk to someone before they forget to hang on.
    Our weather, while cold and drizzly, is not endangering us like other parts of the country. But it can still get you down, as does the news that a friend of a friend tested positive for COVID last month and died a week later.
    We all need to be there for one another these days, and hopefully we'll still be doing that when COVID is gone.

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    1. On the very rare occasions I've been "down" it's been miserable (and never lasts long anyway), so I can't even begin to imagine what it's really like for someone with clinical depression. The only way I ever heard someone describe is is wanting the pain to end, and doing whatever it takes to get there. And I agree, maybe people will be kinder to each other when this damn pandemic is over. I'm so sorry for your friend!

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  3. I read your blog from time to time; this time I have to comment. I'd love to have seen the look on the faces of the guys when the vet told them they'd pulled a wolf out of the water!!
    Alphie

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    1. Hi Alphie, and thanks for stopping by my blog. As for the wolf, that's exactly what I thought. Even now (this morning) I still find it so funny. I bet they almost laid a square egg when they realized what they'd done!

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  4. Oh Treaders, after such a miserable post which truly captured the rough times we are all living through in different ways, it was really nice to read your final paragraph and laugh.

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  5. As someone who has experienced both depression and anxiety (I call them the evil twins) I have to say that I can understand when someone gets into a place where they can see no relief except for the final one. Severe depression can be as much a terminal illness as anything else. And even now there is no magic cure, no way to find immediate relief. So, so sad.
    I hope your friend Marilyn can move closer to you soon. Sounds like you would enjoy having her closer so very much.

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    1. I've heard people who commit suicide and leave behind a family described as "selfish" but I can't agree really. Yes the devastation they leave behind is awful - but how awful must they be feeling to think suicide is the only solution? Just wanting the pain to stop? And yes I hope Marilyn gets back here (she is my former neighbour) sooner rather than later. I know we'll have a blast!

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  6. I really had to laugh at the defrosting wolf!! I understand you can domesticate them, of course you would end up with a fairly aggressive watch dog.

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    1. It's a great story isn't it. I guess you wouldn't worry about locking your doors at night either would you!

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  7. I heard some one say that taking ones life is a long term solution to a short term problem and that really resonated with me. And in many cases it is true. Depression is an awful thing, you do have feelings of despair and can't find a way out. It's a shame walking didn't help, its helped me clear my mind on many an occasion. I couldn't agree more regarding retirement. A colleague of mine stayed an extra 2 years, he was financially stable and had a loving family. He literally dropped down dead in the pub the day before he was due to retire.

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    1. That's a great expression isn't it - or "a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I think when you're in the depths of despair you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's so sad! But you're right, for most of us (not those who truly are clinically depressed) getting outside and walking can bring tremendous relief. It's such a positive thing to do for yourself. And retirement eh? I know you worked hard to retire as early as possible. It's such a shame your colleague didn't get to do the same!

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  8. So many sad situations for you friends and acquaintances. I hope people who need support can find others-but as you said some times the pressure of this pandemic makes bad situations even worse. I honestly don't know when we'll feel we can afford to retire-the darn health care costs are the main issue, but I sure don't want to be working this hard only to not enjoy our future. Stay healthy, keep walking-as will I! I still need to figure out a zoom call.

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    1. I think winter exacerbates many people's mental health anyway but add in the pandemic and I guess it has just become unbearable for so many. I hope you figure out something for your hubs and yourself re retirement as I know you're looking forward to it. Now I think about it, if I had gone with my original plan I would now be retired just six weeks at this point, so I'm so glad I took a second (and 3rd, and 4th) look at those figures! And yep, a zoom would be great fun wouldn't it!

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  9. There is so much anxiety around just now. I can relate to that but I'm fortunate never to have suffered true depression. I've felt what we all call 'depressed' for short periods but true depression is a whole other ballgame. A friend of mine committed suicide and it was so hard to understand his reasoning, but as another friend said to me, in suicide there is no reasoning, it is totally illogical because technically they are not of sound mind and believe completely they or the world will be better for them going. It's so sad. You've had a rough spate of bad news but I loved the P.Brosnan story too. Crikey, how good would it be to see him up close and personal, to heck with Shades of Grey!! As for the frozen wolf, I did laugh but I'm also quite glad they didn't realise too or they might have left the poor thing! xx

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    1. I know what you mean. I've had odd moments of depression as we all have, but they really were just that - odd moments. For those that suffer from true depression it must be hell. My friend said Piers Brosnan was just GORGEOUS - but I guess they get sick of being stared at too so she just said good morning and left it at that. I did think about the wolf though also. I mean, you wouldn't want to leave it to drown either would you. I guess it all depends on how fast you figure you can run once you get it out!

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  10. I am so glad your son's friend wasn't hurt in that accident. Yes, these times are so difficult on everyone. Everyone deals differently. Getting caught out by your son watching that movie must have been hilarious...we have accidentally had to watch a sex scene with my 78 year old Mom when we've watched the wrong movie with her lol.

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    1. Back to my friend Marilyn, the day she came home from the maternity hospital with her daughter, her rather staid in-laws were at her home. As she sat down to feed her daughter she accidentally hit "play" on the TV remote with her elbow and a porn movie came on (I guess her husband was bored) and she couldn't find the "off" button to save her life!

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  11. I loved that last bit about the wolf.

    There is a lot of death and grief in the world right now. There probably always is but it seems closer right now somehow.

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    1. There is a lot of death and misery right now. A few people have said - re the pandemic - that the most difficult part is that the enemy is invisible. Could be true I guess. But I had to include that wolf story because it's so funny - and it's so much better to end on a good note isn't it!

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