The view from my window

The view from my window
The view from my window

Sunday 10 December 2023

A tale of two marriages!

Just like in my last post there's still not an awful lot happening here. I've kept Charlie for two Mondays as Jen's work are down from four staff to just two so she's doing a lot of overtime. Because of that I've missed yoga for two weeks so I'm really looking forward to getting back to it tomorrow. On the walking front, this year has been pretty much a washout. I reckon I'll only make it to 800 miles by year end so my "resolution" (in as much as I make one) is to get back out walking in 2024. Mind you, the weather remains pretty abysmal, with tons of rain and lots of localized flooding, so I'm hoping that'll improve sooner rather than later!

The other week I thought I'd treat myself to a mani/pedi since I have a voucher which will be expiring soon (I only hung onto it for almost a whole year!!!) so ended up in a new-to-me salon next to my hairdresser's. She was very professional and did a good job, so I think I'll try to get into the habit of doing some kind of treatment at least once a month just to treat myself. Mind you, about a month ago I picked up what I thought was a face mask that they had marked down, but turns out it was one of those "foot masks" - you know (or maybe you don't know) they're kinda like little plastic bootees that you wear for a couple of hours and it's supposed to do your feet the world of good. Well after a couple of hours I took them off and thought "what a load of rubbish" as nothing had happened. That is, nothing happened until about three days later when my feet started to peel like I had a bad case of sunburn! More alarmingly this went on for almost three weeks and my feet seriously looked like they'd been dipped in eggwash and then into a bowl of dessicated coconut!!!!! I hadn't intentionally bought these things and don't think I'll bother again but the pedicure lady said it was some kind of chemical exfoliation that was okay to use once in a while, but nah - no thanks. I looked like my feet had dandruff!

In other news, I thought I should knuckle down this weekend and get a few pending administrative tasks done as I'd been letting things slide, so I sat down and paid some bills, then got online and booked two tickets to an AndrĂ© Rieu concert now that he's finally coming back to Switzerland in 2024, and then I wanted to get a few Christmas cards sent off. I think I mentioned before that the French Post Office is pushing people more and more towards self-service (who isn't?) so now you get to buy your stamps online and print them yourself. Well last time I had a helluva time getting the stamps to print properly so bought some sheet labels from the Post Office online shop specifically designed for the purpose. Except, the formatting is just slightly off by a few millimetres so every bloody stamp straddles two labels. First world problems I know, but I swear open heart surgery has got to be easier than trying to peel two small labels off the backing sheet and getting them to match perfectly on the envelope so that the complete stamp is visible. Just when I thought I'd finally cracked it, I'd pull my hand away and the bottom half of the stamp would still be attached to my thumb! As I said, first world problems for sure, but it certainly generated a lot of cussing!

In other news, it looks like my lovely neighbours three doors away will be leaving after 40+ years. My favourite neighbour mentioned it a few weeks ago and I've seen their kids emptying out the garage and taking stuff from the house so I guess it's probably true. The wife is 90 years old and starting to lose it mentally (and is aware of it sadly), but still very glamorous and always beautifully dressed. The husband is a few years younger and an absolute ox of a man, and I know it will hit them very hard to leave after so many years. They know everybody, of course, and are a nice couple. He keeps his wood-working stuff in the garage so wherever they move to I hope they have enough room for his hobby and that it won't be too far so that they can keep in touch with all their friends here!

Then my favourite neighbour stopped in earlier this week, ostensibly just for a chat, but I sensed that she needed to get things off her chest. She asked me if I knew that they were getting divorced and I said that she'd mentioned before how unhappy they were and that she'd spoken to a lawyer. Well turns out they've both been to see lawyers and are hoping to set the divorce in motion. Frankly I don't see it happening though since France has these new "climate saving" laws in place whereby they will have to get quite a bit of work done to bring their home up to whatever code is acceptable now before they can sell it. On the face of it the stars could be aligning since the tenants that she has in her late parents' house on the west coast have given notice that they are leaving and the wife would very much like to move back there. Their daughter's tenant in the apartment she bought before marriage is also moving out, so the husband is talking about buying that. But, there again they would probably run into these new "climate change" regulations before any one of them could move. Basically what these new regs will do is take an awful lot of rental properties off the market, thus exacerbating an already tense rental situation in France because people won't be able to afford to get this work done. More importantly though, the husband's mask is now totally "off" and she found out that he had given their son a sealed envelope marked "to be opened in the event of my death". She knows what's in it though as she saw it on their computer, but basically he has said that in the event of his death he doesn't want his wife (of 51 years) to get a single penny - no widow's pension, no share of the house etc. since "she has refused to work all these years and that is her problem". Now she told me years ago how lucky I was to be able to continue to work (even if I didn't always see it that way) because she had wanted to return to work after her maternity leave and had everything set up to do so. With him claiming she refused to work, it would alter her financial situation with regards to alimony - but she has written proof that he refused to "allow" her to return to work in order for him to be able to move around with his job. Mind you, I'm pretty sure he can't prevent her from receiving what would be due to her in the event of his death since in France you can't disinherit legitimate family members. Years ago I asked the notary about that - for instance what if I wanted to leave everything to one son (who was an angel) and nothing to the other son (who was just evil) - just hypothetically, of course - and the notary said the only way to do that would be to move assets out of France, so no, I don't think he can screw her over financially. Still, what an evil thing to do on his part! They don't even speak any more and she says he checks "their" bank account twice a day now - but only he has access to it! So for many reasons I don't see the divorce actually happening but what a sad way to live!

And compare that to my sister and brother-in-law who, quite coincidentally, got married on exactly the same day in exactly the same year as my neighbours, so 51 years for them too yesterday. Their marriage hasn't always been a bed of rose petals, of course, but they are one couple who have grown to love each other more and more with every year. Probably because they're both as daft as a brush (runs in the family, it seems). My niece paid for them to have a long weekend in France this past weekend so they took just a few items of clothing from home to wear over on the ferry with them!

Happy anniversary!


16 comments:

  1. Your male neighbor sounds like a piece of shit. I hope the wife does get away from him and gets to enjoy the last few years of her life. Maybe he'll have a heart attack. One can hope.

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    1. She knows he's cheated on her from day one so it's always been tense, but over the years he's drained all her self-confidence from her so it's taken ages just to get her to this stage. It's so sad to see as she is lovely!

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  2. Omg that woman's husband is a huge d!ck. Hope he goes first, POS! I love a little self care, I try and do a Mani every month myself. I'm hoping my pedicure can happen this month too đŸ¤£

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    1. Neither of them are in particularly good health but as I said to her, you may live another 20 days or 20 years so you owe it to yourself to make that time happy. It's stressful getting divorced anyway, but a confrontational divorce with little money to throw around is even worse. And yes I got in the habit of doing my own pedicures pretty much every week too, but isn't it nice to be spoilt!!!

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  3. The post office over here does that with the stamps, luckily all of my payments are done online. Statistically speaking, the husband should die before the wife, so she should get her ducks in a row now. Cute picture!

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    1. My payments are all done online too - I was trying to print out pretty stamps for Christmas cards, but I guess they don't look so pretty split in two! And I guess we've all thought about the fact that the men generally go first, but I'd hate my happiness to be dependent on hoping he pops his clogs first. I don't wish that on anyone. Mind you, my friend's granddad was a violent alcoholic who died when grandma was 81. Her first reaction was "thank God for that". How sad is it to have lived your life climbing out of windows to get away from him and then get just a couple of years of freedom. As for my sister and BIL - they're getting nuttier as time goes on - and good luck to them!

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  4. That stamp printing would drive me nuts. I certainly hope things don't go that way here.
    It is too bad about the lady's problems with her husband. My mother's only wish was that Daddy die, the sooner the better. He did, thankfully so that she got two years peace. She fell getting out of his recliner. They had the old kind that a foot could get caught in, so her happiness was cut short. The hard fall, face-first, killed her. It took a week, but it happened.

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    1. Isn't it sad when a marriage ends up like that. I'm so sorry your mom didn't get to savour her freedom longer. Sadly there's a lot of it about!

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  5. A good mani/pedi is such a wonderful thing isn't it?
    Printing out stamps would drive me nuts. I hope they don't do that here in the states.
    I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. I can't imagine feeling trapped in a bad marriage. What a horrible waste of life. My brother's wife was a real piece of work and I am so glad she is finally gone.

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    1. If you see Dave's comment above, it looks like the stamp printing already exists in the States, although maybe not pushed quite so hard!!! And I read your post yesterday - I'm so glad you've got your brother back because, as you say, a bad marriage is hell!

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  6. Plenty of material for a soap opera from your street - don’t even need a script writer, just a snappy title, a cameo for the ferry passengers, and you’re in business! Well I’d watch it anyway!

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    1. I think my ex and I featured largely in the first series. I'm glad we're no longer "the entertainment", but I really hate to see such misery next door!

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  7. I am with Lori and I hope stamp printing does not become the norm here.
    Marriage is hard. TheHub and I were so young when we got married I figure we just got lucky. None of the people we were friends with that married young are still together. Or maybe instead of lucky we are both stubborn enough to not give up on those bad days, knowing better days will follow. (And if I offend anyone, sorry. Even the best marriages have bad days)

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    1. All marriages have bad days. It would be foolish to say otherwise, but I've been here almost 34 years now and she's been unhappy from the get-go. Cheating on her right from the beginning of their marriage obviously didn't help! I mentioned to her yesterday that it would be interesting to know the real reason for the breakdown of his first marriage too. It's sad either way you look at it because the tension is palpable - and will only get worse until it gets resolved. Ask me how I know!

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  8. What a POS husband that neighbor is! Hopefully, like you said, the laws are in her favor, being married for that long. Geez! Cute pic of your sis/bil

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    1. She went to see her lawyer and a notary yesterday and while the notary says he is perfectly entitled to "re-write" his will, it won't make much difference in the end, given the length of the marriage! I ended up with a whopping mortgage at 53 in order to buy my ex out, but I had the income to do it (even if it stuck in my craw because he was the violent one AND the one who cheated). Still, I consider it the price to pay for freedom! It's that much harder when money is tight of course but I'm truly hoping she (they) get there in the end for both their sakes!

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