In my defence ...!

I got virtually nothing done yesterday, despite having every intention of going for a walk and then coming home and getting stuck in. In my defence, I didn't get to bed until 3 a.m. as we'd had another board game evening Saturday night (finishing up at 1 a.m.) but since I can't go to sleep straight away I was up reading until the early morning hours! Still, it annoys me a bit when I just sit around and do not much of anything, so thankfully today has been better!

I decided to go to our local market last Thursday for the first time in ages, and I'm so glad I did. We have farmers' markets every day round here in different towns, with ours being on Thursday mornings. It's one of the larger markets with, I would guess, maybe 50 stalls, and it was such a treat to get out and have a wander in the lovely weather. It's also sociable as there are places to sit and have a drink and you can pretty much guarantee you will bump into at least one person you know (I did - Cynthia from sewing club). A few years ago I bought a pair of very lightweight trousers at the market in Turin and have worn them half to death. They are so easy and comfortable to wear (and cheap too), so I had a wander round and picked up another similar pair (although they do make me look a bit like Andy Pandy)!

Andy Pandy - remember him?

I noticed they also have an organic stall (not sure if that was there before), so I'm thinking I might start shopping at the market again to see how it goes and to put money back into the pockets of the local traders, rather than the big stores (I've even dug out my old lady wheelie bag for next week)!

La Roche market!

My friend and I are off again to Turin market for the day on 10 June and my ex asked what was so great about it if they just sell the same stuff as here. Well it's about 50 times bigger and is a permanent market, but I guess he'll never understand the pure joy of wandering round such a huge market with all the smells, sights and sounds. Plus it's Italy of course!!! Oddly enough, I was talking to the kids about it and they agreed with me that as soon as you come out of the Mont Blanc tunnel into Italy you can feel the whole atmosphere change - I just love it!

There's a big hoo-haa going on here at the moment about a proposal to build a €60 million velodrome in La Roche, with many, many people against it as they feel that money could be better spent. My first thought was that it was for bikes, but when my friend told me she thought it might be for motorbikes that would change everything. I can just imagine the noise and to be honest I can only think of one very small hotel in La Roche, so I just don't see that the infrastructure is there. I don't know, I suppose we'll have to wait and see what they decide!

There has also been a push to encourage people to come up with local initiatives, with small grants being available for anyone whose proposal "passes the sniff test". I've mentioned before that my little village has one restaurant and a bus stop - oh and and one of those book exchange thingies - and that's it. Anyway, one enterprising young lady put forward a proposal to set up a mobile manicure unit and I see that she was successful in winning a small grant to get her started. Apparently she will be in our village on Monday afternoons, so I must show support and stop in for a manicure sometime, even though she'd probably be horrified at the state of my hands!

The mobile manicure unit - I think it's great!

I had yoga today and it was tough although as usual I felt wonderful when I came out of there. Then I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon on a zoom call with André, who had left it till the very last day to file his French taxes! Wouldn't you know it! He had to transfer his taxes from paper to online so I went through it line by line with him until we got it done. Now he and Jordan just have to file their US taxes and we can all relax!

My ex left last Thursday and made it home safely. I thought he looked terrible to be honest. I think "zombie" was a word that popped into my mind more than once, but I know he's taking lithium (for bipolar) and I also know he's drinking like a fish so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the state of him. When he was here my stomach was in knots and it was only after he'd left that I realized it was because I was constantly in a state of hypervigilance - just like I used to be when we were married. I don't know if you get what I mean but he wasn't "thoughtless", he just doesn't think and I was forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. For instance at the lake at Passy there is a path that goes all the way round the lake. In order to get to the restaurant there is another path that climbs to maybe ten feet about the lower path. Well ex picked up a huge rock to show Charlie how to throw stones into the lake, and we all yelled at him to stop as there was a young family cycling past on the lower path and he could have hit them! Then when he would play with Charlie we had to remind him he is two, not 12! Or he would wind Lenny the horrible cat up to the point he would scratch him. Lenny's a nasty cat anyway and Jordan and Jen watch him like a hawk because of Charlie, but try telling my ex to leave the cat alone and he just gets worse!

I've always felt like I was forever running round trying to put out forest fires while he was running behind me with a flame-thrower! For the longest time I figured it was thoughtlessness, but I did once read an article that said this was often deliberate - even if subconsciously - because by keeping you on the back foot they always have the upper hand! Interesting! Like the time after we were divorced when he called me as he was not well, and André and I found him lying in the snow in his underwear in February trying to cool down (lithium and booze again, I reckon), and then refusing to go to the hospital. So the next time he pulled that stunt I sent the ambulance directly to his place and then met it at the hospital. So I sit there, and I sit there and I sit here - and after four hours they come out looking for me because he had suddenly felt better and had done a runner, leaving me sitting in ER like a lemon. I also happened to have plans for that day but .....! Or how about the time he smashed his own car up (drunk) and then a few days later totalled the loaner car from the garage (also drunk) - so two cars in one week!

I tried as tactfully as possible to suggest he might want to be more honest with his doctors in the US about his drinking since they "can't find anything wrong with him" (he can't eat and is hunched over like a 90 year old), but that was when it came out that he'd actually cancelled his medical insurance through his employer over here when he retired last August! Well he must have seen my eyes pop out on stalks because his insurance was fantastic, cheap, offered worldwide coverage and would be permanently subsidized by his employer and he cancelled it???????? Apparently he is insured with his partner but I asked him what happened if they split, and did it cover him "over here" anyway. To which he replied that he "didn't know". Oh great, get sick in France - or even worse, in Switzerland - and you don't know if you're covered!!!!

So there you have it. While it was fine between us and I'm glad he's gotten to see Charlie again, as soon as that plane took off I felt all the tension drain out of my body and while I don't wish him ill, I'm just so, so, so glad I am no longer his chaos janitor and don't have to deal with his BS anymore!