Have to dash to North Wales!

Well I guess it was the news we were all dreading but my brother has been confirmed as having terminal cancer, with maybe between one and three months to live! I spoke to my nephew yesterday and he said one month would be generous in his opinion. My brother has lost so much weight that his legs can no longer support his weight to go to the bathroom, and there wasn't much of him to begin with. So I have booked a flight to Liverpool on Tuesday where my nephew will meet me and we will catch the train to Conwy. At the moment Phil is in Bangor Hospital but they are hoping to move him shortly to St. David's Hospice in Llandudno. My sister, her husband and my other brother are driving up there on Tuesday also so hopefully Phil will hang on. He's not in pain, which is a blessing. I guess they have him so drugged up. He is still lucid but "drifts" a little now. Oh my gosh, I'm in such shock. I know people get old, people get sick and even young people get sick and die and life isn't fair. But it's just the shock of how fast this has happened that has knocked me for six. He has never been ill and never been to hospital. He used to work in the fish market as a young man in Birmingham's Bull Ring market when it was still outdoors and I guess that made him pretty sturdy - working outside in all weathers with his hands in the freezing ice! Who knows! My daughter-in-law said that it's sad that so many - men in particular - never go for a check-up, but while women kinda have to go for various check-ups, Phil had never been ill so had no reason to go for one I guess. Either way it's too late now. As I said, my shock stems from the fact that he only got sick mid-December so we're looking at about five weeks now!

My youngest son and gf can't go because they have both started new jobs (well Jen starts a new job on Monday in fact). That's ok by all of us as we believe what counts is how you treat people when they are alive and not when they are dying. My oldest son and his wife are hoping to fly in next weekend to see him so that will be nice for most of the family to be together. I contacted Steve to let him know yesterday and he said after my initial visit with my brother to let him know and he will drive down from Southport to meet up. It's only about an hour away and I was hoping to go and see Steve before he goes in for his bone marrow transplant. That is planned for mid-February, I think, and since he is off the chemo I don't feel nervous about being around him so much since I know he has to steer clear of crowds and their germs!

My brother's lady friend, Margaret, has been an absolute rock and is staying at his place in order to visit him every day. She lives about 120 miles away so that is the best solution for everyone. I will stay at my brother's place since I am on my own and there is a spare bed there, but I will happily sleep on the floor if necessary or get a B&B. It doesn't matter to me either way, but my nephew thought it would be a good idea for me to keep Margaret company. We have never met in person as yet - kind of a sad way to meet up for the first time isn't it! Phil and Margaret had booked a holiday to Cyprus for February and were planning on coming out to me after that for a long week-end. She will still be welcome of couse but …. All I can say is I have never seen my brother as happy as he has been these last two years with her and for that we can never thank her enough!

The only saving grace in all this is as I am retired I don't have to worry about work! Thank God! My nephew is flitting back and forth between his work in Manchester and his dad in Conwy. His work have been very good, apparently, but it is always a worry. I have only booked a one-way ticket at this point but will take the lie of the land after I see my brother.

I felt a bit weepy yesterday, although, as always, I don't seem able to cry. So in the end I put my big girl's knickers on and took myself off for a walk. Felt much better for it afterwards of course. I took the route I took previously through the grounds of the Eglise de la Bénite Fontaine (the Church of the Blessed Fountain) so I thought I would stop and fill my water bottle with holy water. Now I don't know what good me drinking holy water would do for my brother but it was strangely comforting.  I don't know if I will be able to post much for a while but I aim on taking my laptop with me as I still have a ton of stuff to sort out from my retirement and I suspect there will be a few quiet hours too.  So for the time being, I will sign off.

The view of the Mont Blanc from my walk - so comforting and peaceful!

Phil and me at les Confins, May 2017